Why is the Home Office so inconsiderate?

I wish the home office understood how much of an impact they actually had on peoples’ health. This morning I wanted to die. I didn’t want to be alive. I considered self harming, it took everything I had left in me to stop myself from self harming. This visa is the biggest stressor of my life and I have no control over it. I can’t do anything to change things and I can’t even contact anyone to get more information. I’m just stuck. Every time I contact the Home Office I get the same old reply, ‘we’re working on it’. But it’s been 14 months now and it was supposed to be over in 3, so why am I still waiting? Why am I still lying in my bed alone? Why is my husband still on the other side of the planet, thousands and thousands of miles away?

I wish someone would explain to these people how much is actually at stake for people. I wish they could or would even try to understand the influence their decisions have on peoples’ lives.

Distance

The pain of a long distance relationship is equivalent to the murderer that creeps up in the dark, stabbing the knife in your back when you least expect. The worst thing of all is, that it’s always there in the background, waiting to attack. 

I’m at that point now, where I’m past the tears and at times, when I miss him more than words can describe and I’m hurting excessively, I don’t know what to do. I’m desperate for the tears to fall in order to alleviate the pain, to feel that grain of relief, but nothing. I just feel this tightness in my chest, as though someone is strangling my heart.

For someone who has been brought up listening to their parents worrying about financial problems, a quick trip to the other side of the world to see their other half, isn’t always as easy or common as they would like it to be. Sometimes it gets so hard, I just wish to be in his arms, or curled up watching a movie with him. What I would do to see him walk through the door, I would give anything. I feel like I need him by my side because life’s tough and I need a shoulder to lean on; I need a shoulder to cry on when I feel like the walls are closing in and when I feel like giving up, I need to see his face and for him to take me in his arms and reassure me everything is going to be okay.

Of course I have days when I thank the Lord over and over for the fact that he is in my life, that he is mine. I couldn’t have asked for someone better, he cares for me like no other, loves me like I’ve never been loved, but the distance is hard. We’ve made it work, it’s been over 3 years and hopefully we’ll go the whole way but I pray for the day when I will be able to fall sleep in his arms after a long strenuous day and wake up to his face in the mornings.